Origin of the Chickens:
One day in 1988, Joey who lived on a farm in California decided to play with some weapons loaned to him. After a
hearty slobbery KFC dinner, he violently cut off one chicken's head with a small axe. It took an unnecessary long
time to kill him as he thrashed around, with all of the other chickens watching. When his parents discovered the
crime scene, horrified, they punished him and forced him to move to Idaho to do labor work for his aunt and uncle.
Safe from Joe, the other chickens decided to take matters into their own hands. One of the chickens dedicated his life
to rebelling against KFC and military training. One of them was so traumatized he was reduced to profuse vomiting
whenever he has a flashback to that day. One of them coped with the Pastafarian religion and weed (and one night
stands). One of them ran away from home and moved to the big city, in hopes of fame and getting over the trauma.
Finally, One of them decided to learn martial arts in hopes to defend himself from the next Joe attack. Right after
the attack, Pastafarian grabbed some prom night dumpster babies left by the unsuspecting mothers of El Modena High
School seniors. This was in hopes to grow them in the ground into fully grown human body suits to pass off as humans.
Thankfully, this plan worked.
One Unsuspecting Carrot (And Siblings)
During the time period Joe was out there living in Idaho, Pastafarian was having his usual 11PM soup munchies. He
decided to pluck one of the bodies from the ground to cook into one of his famous hemp soups. But this wasn't any
ordinary body, it was a body with a carrot for a head! Pastafarian was too stoked (and blitzed out of his mind) to
eat this "little carrot top", so he raised it like his own child. He claims that this body was planted very close
to the little carrot farm. Therefore, one of the carrots fused with the body in just a way, by connecting to all of
the major veins that it gained sentience. But maybe that's just Pasta speaking some Bull-Sheez. A little bit after
that, Pasta got a knock on the door with a guy naming himself Celery Stixx, who was seeking asylum in the U.S from
Mexico, where they eat a lot of celery. Pasta isn't one to shut the door on random Mexican kids, so he took him in.
A little bit after that, a basket was thrown out on the sidewalk. Pasta discovered the basket contained a child
with the name Cheri Tomato, with a note attached, saying "This is your child". Pasta also took her in.
The Veg-O-Matics
Pastafarian discovered these children had a particular talent with music, Carrot Topp liked piano and vocal melodies,
Cheri liked guitar, and Stixx liked drums. They decided to form a band together called the Veg-O-Matics, and brought
along a friend from school, Glen Jicamatlock on bass. Pasta claimed himself to be the manager, but actual managing that
took place is questionable. They made many songs together, the eponymous "Veg-O-Matic" "Children of the CornCob" and
"Chop, Bok Choy!" being only a few examples. Near the end of 1992, many songwriting and general conflicts took place,
Cheri wanted to experiment with psychedelic and rockabilly elements, Stixx wanted to play more technical music (and was
addicted to the snow) and Glen was not having any of their crap. With money finally starting to come in, the band really
didn't want to end. So they booted Glen and slapped Syd Radish on bass, and called it a day. But the tensions kept rising,
mainly with Cheri and Stixx musical clashes, and Stixx's habits got worse (one point he crushed and snorted limestone with
The Pickle from Skankin' Pickle) and combined with Syd's sheer incompetence on the bass and Carrot's general apathy led to
an incident on Easter Day where they had a huge argument on stage. Tensions rose so bad they all started to boil in the
face, smelling so strong it attracted the Badd Bunny where we presume he ate the entire band, except for Carrot.
Rebellion Day
After the disband of the Veg-O's, Carrot and Pasta moved back into the farm where Joe used to live. Somehow they got word
that Joe was inheriting the farm so Carrot and the rest of the chickens met up and organized the first "Poultry Uprising."
This culminated in Joe dying from a heart attack when the ghost of the decapitated chicken (Poultrygeist) threatened to
haunt his soul. Finally, El Pollo Diablo finished the job by dragging his soul to eternal hell. When all these chickens
clashed together, they made an oath through a punk rock band to protect all chickens from dying from the hands (or in
this case axe) of their owners.
Home.